Oasis of the Seas: Alternative Neighborhoods on the World's Largest Cruise Ship

This week the Oasis of the Seas, the new $1.5 billion dollar boat from Royal Carribean, set sail with 3000 travel agents on board. Their mission, should they choose to accept it, will be to sell trips aboard the world's largest, newest, and most expensive ship. There can be no doubt that they will do some selling. Perhaps they'll have to. I have previewed the ship's cruises with great interest, and one itinerary is a 4-night cruise to Royal Carribean's Private Island in Haiti.

Haiti.

My wife was simply incredulous when I told her that a major cruise line had just invested 1.5 billion dollars to take passengers to Haiti.

You'd think that for over a thousand dollars per head the ship would take you to an exotic luxury destination, preferably one not associated with Papa Doc Duvalier. But you'd be wrong. All kidding aside, I'm sure the island is quite lovely.

And in Haiti.

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One of the great selling points of the Ship is that it has a Central Park-like terrace in the center of the ships. The ship is so large, in fact, that it has different neighborhoods with different shops, features, and amenities.

I reviewed my budget for this week, and I'm sorry to say that I don't have an extra thousand dollars plus per head for a four-night jaunt to Haiti. So I've come up with some alternative neighborhoods that are a little more in my budget.

CENTRAL PARK....AT NIGHT

Nothing says 'budget travel accomodations' like a nice firm park bench to sleep on at night. If Royal Carribean is serious about recreating the authentic Central Park experience, they'll provide a few park benches for us budget travelers to bunk down on.

And of course, it just wouldn't be Central Park without concerns for your nighttime safety. Perhaps Royal Carribean can organize roving groups of crew members to conduct random muggings and other unpleasantness in their Faux Central Park.

BOYZ N MY HOOD

A neighborhood more in my price range might include, say the corner liquor store. It's right across the street from the Check Cashing Store/Western Union. Pop's Barber Shop is right next door for a cut and fade (make mine Vanilla Ice) and the latest gossip. The Unready Labor Temp Agency is next door to put day laborers to work, and it just wouldn't be My Hood without nonprofit and government agencies galore: the police station, the homeless shelter, Acorn Activists R Us, and the Department of (No) Labor Unemployment office.

CHINATOWN

You'll know you're nearing Chinatown when you smell the fried rice wafting down the street. Stray dogs welcome you to your home for this cruise, as does.....wait a minute! Is that street vendor selling pirated Jean-Claude VanDamme movies? I've been wanting a couple of those. Yessir, Chinatown has everthing you could ever need....except signage in English.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Perhaps the good folks at Royal Carribean can take a file to the Oasis of the Seas, roughen up the edges, and drop the cruise prices a little.